411: Beat the Gay Away

Are you tired of being gay? The bars, the boys, all the tanning, exfoliating and manscaping taking its toll? Thankfully there's a way out.
CNN (which we thought was a news station,but whatever) ran a story on the ex-gay movement, giving credence to wackjobs like this unlicensed "ex gay therapist." Now, this guy one of the top guys in his field of reparative therapy. What are his proven techniques you might ask? How can I remove the gay from my own life?

One of the ways is to hug his patients intimately, giving them the kind of close male contact their fathers never gave them.

The other way to "cure yourself" is to to take a tennis racket and whack a pillow while screaming your mother's name. This will help you release "hidden memories in your muscles."

So there you have it. You go from biting pillows to beating them, you'll be straight in no time.


[via AMERICAblog]