Voice Mail: You've reached the Pope. You know what to do...

Hey there Pontiff! It's your old friend operatorLA. Long time, no talk. How have you been? How are you liking the new job? Seems like things are going pretty well for you. I mean, I for one, totally didn't think that with your past as a Nazi youth and all, that you would be in the running, but the Catholic Church never ceases to amaze me. It must be, like, so hard to follow Pope John Paul II. Everyone liked him.

That's like when you go to the same High School where your older brother went and he was a straight "A" student, Captain of the football team, Editor of the school newspaper and President of the Student Body. I mean how do you follow that? I don't envy you. But I have thought of a few things that might make it easier for people to warm up to you.

First, stick with the inspired color choices for your vestments. I like the pink you sporting in the picture I saw on Towleroad. Pastels are so you! You are a Winter and these colors will totally liven up your skin tone. Think Lavender or Cream. That is so hot!

Also, maybe try smiling every once in a while. They say it takes twice as many muscles to frown than it does to smile. And showing off those pearly whites might make people believe that you like your job and it will make you look less like Satan.

Next, I have one word for you- Concealer. A little concealer under those eyes will get rid of those unsightly dark circles and add a few years to your appearance. We don't want any of those Cardinals to get the idea that you might be checking out any time soon. You know how catty those bitches can be.

And the best way to gain people's favor is to throw a big party. I mean come on, even Jesus liked to go to some weddings and drink some wine. You are the Pope- live it up!

Finally, why not try writing a blog. I am sure the world would love to know what your personal thoughts are and keep up to date with you from day to day.

Anyway, just a few thoughts. Give me a call the next time you are in town. Maybe we can do some coffee and donuts some Sunday morning?