VoiceMail: You've reached Britney Spears. I am in my room crying...please leave a message

GIRL! I am feeling bad for you lately. What is going on? I told you that K-fed was going to be nothing but trouble- but you never listen to me.

Honey, you need to get your shit together. You have almost reached the point of career suicide. Notice, I said almost. I have faith that you can get back in everyone's good graces, but it is going to take hard work and sacrifice. Girl, this is what you need to do:

1. Take a breather- step out of the spotlight for awhile. Lay low. It ain't gonna hurt.
2. Work on a new album during this pregnancy- and make it good. Hire the best of everybody and write some songs that talk of the personal struggles you are having.
3. Have the baby and then divorce the husband-pronto. Do not waste time on this.
4. Time the release of the record with the divorce.
5. Get in amazing shape quickly-talk to Janet about that one.
6. Go on Oprah or Barbara and tell the story about how K-Fed was awful and used you and took advantage of you.
7. Take some notes from Madonna and use sex to your advantage.

I believe in you. So give me a call and if you need a babysitter just let me know. I'll grab my vodka and xanax and be right over!

Love ya!-operatorLA