Ask The Operator: Masturbate-a-thon Do's and Don'ts

**from time to time, we here at the offices of THE OPERATOR receive some letters asking us our advice. Always one to lend a helping hand, THE OPERATOR will answer these questions in an effort to make the world a better place.**

Dear The Operator,

I am a nut for charity events. Essentially anything that ends in "a-thon" gets me all excited. Which is why I stood at attention when I found out about this charity event that I will be participating in very shortly. It's a Masturbate-A-Thon. Hundreds of people are expected to gather in a hall in central London on August 5 to pleasure themselves in aid of charity.

Can you believe that, Operator? Two of my favorite activities brought together in one climatic event. I almost passed out. I have a few reservations though. I am not exactly sure of the Masturbate-a-thon protocal. Is it polite to make conversation during the activities? Should I bring an assortment of lubes to share with my fellow charity patrons? If my hand should experience a cramp, is it considered rude to ask a fellow a-thonner to take hold and keep me going for a few minutes? And does it make me gay that I will be stroking it off in a room full of lots of other men?

Sincerely,
Perplexed about Penis Pulling Party Protocal


Dear PPPPP,
God Bless You! Without the overwhelming kindness and generosity of people like yourself, our world we be a horrible place to live in. People should rise and applaud your efforts and graciously thank you for your willingness to give so much of yourself.

A Masturbation Party is meant to be a good time and hopefully your reservations won't keep you from enjoying yourself. No matter what happens, please remember to have fun.

You should bring your own lube to this event. Not only is it more sanitary but you know what kind you like. There is nothing more rude than when being offered a certain brand of lube by your host, you ask "Do you have another kind?"

Also, if a cramp should occur, take a breather. Make a run to the restroom. To avoid this from happening you should stretch properly beforehand and remain hydrated throughout the whole event.

And finally, jerking off in a room with a bunch of people of the same sex masturbating does not make you gay. Man, if it did, the whole collegiate fraternity system would just be a cover for a bunch of prancing nancies. Oh wait, it is. Our bad.