411: If You Can't Go to Burning Man, Bring Burning Man to You

We've never been to Burning Man, but a few of our operatives have and boy, it sure seems like a crazy, drug-fueled orgy swell little gathering. We'd totally go, but then we'd have to leave the house and well, interact with people. Luckily, our favorite L.A. Woman Ann Magnuson has a list of ways to enjoy the Burning Man experience in the comfort and safety of your own home. Here are a few:

Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset to not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance close naked, then say they have a lover back home at the end of the night.

Only use the toilet in a house that is at least 3 blocks away. Drain all the water from the toilet. Only flush it every 3 days. Hide all the toilet paper.

Don't sleep for 5 days. Take a wide variety of hallucinogenic/emotion altering drugs. Pick a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.

Have a 3 a.m. soul baring conversation with a drag nun in platforms, a crocodile and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to tell if you're hallucinating. Lust after Bugs Bunny.

For the full list of ways to simulate the singular Burning Man experience, go here:

In Lieu of Burning Man [Papermag Blogs]

Burning Man ;Festivals ;Ann Magnuson