VoiceMail: You've reached Ms. Ritchie, leave a message or don't- do you think I care?

Okay, Madonna, now you have done it. I just received a call from OperatorNYC and I have never heard him like this. First there was denial, then anger, then sadness, and now it is out and out depression. As if he needed another reason, I feel your ticket prices have sent him out on a bender. And you remember what happened last time he did that don't you? That was the night he talked you and Guy into doing a remake of Swept Away. We all know how that ended up!

And honey, I am a little pissed too. First of all, you didn't call and ask me to go roller skating with you when you shot the Sorry video. And you know how I can rock the roller skating moves! Then you plan this tour and your tickets are outrageous! Girlie, you don't need the money. Give us queers a break. We spend enough of our cash on clothes and alcohol, don't make us give up a few nights on the town just to be in your presence.

I gotta go. OperatorNYC keeps dialing up my line and my muscle relaxer has just about dissolved in the vodka, so that means it is time to hit the freeway and head home! Don't worry, I will still be singing along to Confessions in the car- for now. One more mis-step Bitch and I may have to start a gay backlash!

Till then, Love ya!