911; Teddy Bears are Terrorists

A teddy bear has been implicated in 2,500 deaths -- trout deaths, that is.

In what can only be described as a blatant attack on the US food supply, a teddy bear fell into a pool at a Fish and Game Department hatchery earlier this month and clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish.

Sources are reporting that terrorists are finding new and innovative ways to create chaos and intimidate American citizens. A seemingly harmless toy such as a teddy bear is now being used by Al Queda in their effort to stop American Imperialism.

The US Government is not taking this threat lightly though. President Bush has added Teddy Bears to the list of terrorist organizations and high profile bears are being rounded up and added to our Most Wanted list.

In recent days, Paddington Bear has been tagged for extradition to the US on charges of coercion and the search is on for the Berenstain Bears who are believed to be holding up in a compound in the Rockies. Yogi Bear is being held on theft charges and reports are coming in about illegal wire taps at the Vermont Teddy Bear Company-a hot bed of illegal bear activities.